Three Agents and Twins
by snarkysweetness
Summary: When Skye leaves Ward alone with the twins for the first time chaos ensues.


**Title:** Three Agents and Twins  
 **Author:** snarkysweetness  
 **Rating:** PG-13  
 **Pairing:** Skyeward  & Fitzsimmons with Trip & the twins Skyeward  
 **Summary:** When Skye leaves Ward alone with the twins for the first time chaos ensues.  
 **Warnings:** Sex talk.  
 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing.  
 **Author's Notes:** I blame Dani for this.

The loud blare of his phone woke Fitz from a deep sleep and he rambled out a string of curses as he fumbled for the stupid piece of machinery. After ignoring the call, he threw it across the room and moved to Jemma's side of the bed, wrapping one arm around her with a sigh as he began to drift off again. From somewhere in the dark the annoying ring went off again and he grumbled, burying his head against her breasts before pulling the covers over their heads.

"Fitz, if you don't answer that bloody phone, the only action you're going to see this week will be with yourself," Jemma grumbled, shoving him off of her.

With a whine Fitz stumbled out of bed and searched in the dark for his phone. It had stopped ringing but if he didn't find it before it started up again he knew full well Jemma would follow through on her threat and he had needs that only that little minx could fulfill. He tripped over his shoe and cursed, waking Jemma again. She sat up and glared at him, sending him shrinking back. She was not pleasant when her sleep was disturbed; in fact, that was putting it lightly, terrifying was a more accurate description.

"Love, I'm so-"

The screeching of his ring tone started up again and this time he followed the blinking light of his screen. "What?" He answered, annoyed. "This had better be an emergency," Fitz growled. With the way Jemma was looking at him he wouldn't even be allowed to get off by himself.

"Fitz," a panicked, hushed Ward whispered. "I need you to come over, stat."

"Ward, what's wrong? It's…" Fitz pulled his phone from his ear to check the time and groaned. "It's after midnight, mate."

"Get. Over. Here. Now." Ward growled desperately.

Fitz rubbed at his eyes and searched for his keys. "Fine."

"Hurry!" Ward ordered before hanging up.

"What happened?" Jemma asked, arms crossed over her chest.

Crap, she was pissed.

"Um…I don't know, honestly. I'll be back soon, promise." He leaned down to kiss her but she turned away and he inwardly began making a list of all the ways Skye would be a widow if this wasn't an absolute emergency.

Fifteen minutes later he rushed his way up the stairs to Ward house and found Trip already there.

"What are you doing here?" They said in unison before Fitz shrugged and used his key to open the door. The sight they were met with was every man's nightmare.

Grant Ward, super spy, was being terrorized by two very tiny infants. His hair was messed up in ways Fitz didn't even know hair could bend, his shirt was covered in vomit, and he had one screaming child in each arm. And his face…Fitz didn't know it was possible to be that pale or have eye bags that black from exhaustion.

"Help me," he pleaded frantically, doing his best to rock them both and failing miserably.

"Oh, bloody hell, mate," Fitz muttered, annoyed he'd been called for baby duty, but knowing someday he'd return the favor. He led Trip into the house before plucking little Hayes from Grant's arms and rocking her gently. This only seemed to anger her more though because her little face turned a bright red that wasn't humanly possible and she began to wail so loudly he was sure soon only dogs would be able to hear her.

"Now I know why you called both of us," Fitz said, horrified. Maybe a little abstinence was just what he and Jemma needed.

Ward seemed to notice Trip for the first time and blinked in confusion, but only for a moment because James Douglas began kicking angrily, hitting his father in the chin. Grant howled in pain and sat back on the arm of the couch, not caring that he was breaking one of his wife's rules about the furniture.

"I didn't call him, but I will take all the help I can get," he said, rubbing his bruising chin as he tried to get his son to take a bottle. When James threw it out of his dad's hands Grant sat down on the couch and leaned back, defeated.

"How did you know to come?" Fitz muttered, trying to rock the screaming little girl into calming down.

Trip shrugged innocently. "I was just in the neighborhood. And I was not sent here to check on him by his wife. Nope, not me. She totally knew he had this. Two babies…alone…complete faith."

Grant didn't even look offended. "Someone call my wife and get her home," he begged, staring down at his son in horror. "I'm sorry I don't have boobs for you to suck on!" He cried, at _that_ point. "I know they're great, son! It's one of the things I love most about your mom, but I can't help you! Take the damn bottle!"

"Okay, let Uncle Trip take a turn," Trip said, plucking J.D. from Grant's arms. "Hey there, little man. Why so mad, huh? You know, your mommy has to work too. You can't do this to your dad every time she's gone. That ain't right."

Fitz glanced over in wonder as the screaming stopped. J.D. shoved his tiny fingers into his mouth and stared up at Trip in wonder.

Trip glanced up with a cocky smile. "I'm the baby whisperer."

Grant Ward, best spy since Natasha Romanoff, glared at Trip incredulously. "What the fuck? I…does my kid like you more than me?" He actually looked offended and upset.

Fitz rolled his eyes. Damn Ward and his insecurities.

"Nah, man, it's my smooth voice. Works on the ladies and on babies. They can't get enough."

Now Ward was the one rolling his eyes…until he closed them. Poor bloke needed a nap.

Mad the attention was not on her, Hayes began sobbing in tiny bursts, like one would while hyperventilating.

Ward jumped up in horror and plucked her from Fitz's arms. "No, no, no, baby girl. Don't do this to me. Do you know what your mom will do to me if you make yourself pass out? Just go to sleep! Or…just breathe. I don't…how did Skye do this alone for two weeks?" He'd been forced to go back to work before she was allowed. Something he already felt guilty about but now…

"I read somewhere that Mozart calms babies," Fitz suggested and pulled out his phone. He desperately searched for a station and put it on while Trip shook his head at him.

"That shit ain't gonna work, man. You're just gonna piss her off," he warned.

Fitz glared at him, annoyed. J.D.'s little eyes were drooping and he was fighting to stay awake as Trip kept soothing him with his voice. Fitz would not let Trip out-uncle him. Not tonight.

A song started playing through the phone's speakers and just as Trip predicted little Hayes became furious.

"Oh God, you broke my baby!"

"Hey! She was broken when I got here!"

Fitz and Ward began arguing over her as she continued to scream. Her screams didn't seem to bother her brother though because he was now passed out in Trip's arms, sucking on both thumbs happily.

"I'm gonna put him down and then save you two. I can't believe you two have wives who married you on purpose."

He got two glares and chuckled on his way up the stairs.

"I hate to admit it but we need him," Ward muttered a moment later. He took Hayes from Fitz and gently patted her back as he bounced her desperately, needing her to stop screaming.

Fitz didn't like to lose but he wasn't sure how much more of this he could take. "Fine, but no one ever has to know about this." He was glad Ward hadn't called Hunter for help. He'd call Skye so fast and rat them all out for being incompetent.

Though…after tonight Fitz wasn't sure if he was ready for one of these so maybe Jemma thinking he wasn't ready wasn't the worst thing.

"All right, gimme my niece," Trip ordered, a smug smirk on his face. Ward happily handed her over, covering his ears. How was something so tiny so loud and angry?

Fitz went for the kitchen, needing a drink. He'd barely located a bottle when he poked his head out of the room in surprise. How in the fuck?

Trip shrugged and rocked the calm baby. "See, I have a gift-" The screaming started again but twice as loud.

"Oh no, you reset her." Ward said, horrified.

Fitz took a long gulp of Scotch, realizing this was going to be an extremely long night.

Hours later, Fitz groaned at the sun peeking through the windows. Why was it so fucking bright? He leaned back and covered his eyes with his arm, stretching his leg out and hitting a near-passed out Trip.

"How?" Grant whispered, staring down at his daughter. She'd finally stopped screaming but she was still wide-awake, slapping him every time he tried to close his eyes. When she spotted Fitz and realized he too was not paying attention to her the whimpers started and all three men groaned.

Not again.

"I can't do this anymore…someone call my wife," Fitz sobbed, too tired to drive home.

Trip reached for his phone but it was just out of his reach. "Too tired to move," he sighed.

Grant sat, bouncing Hayes on his knees, eyes red, close to tears. "How do people do this alone? This is too much. Oh God…what if I get her pregnant again? I can't handle three of these things. How hasn't she worn herself out yet? Are you _possessed_ ," he hissed, meeting her eyes.

Hayes giggled and grabbed for his nose before shoving her fist in her mouth, still laughing.

"Now she's mocking us!"

Poor Ward looked ready to have a breakdown.

"At least she isn't crying anymore, man," Trip said, rolling over and reaching for the baby monitor to make sure the other one was still out like a light. As if on cue of the word 'crying' she started up again and Fitz threw a pillow at Trip.

"You jinxed us!"

"WILL YOU BOTH STOP YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE!"

"What in the hell is going on here?"

The three looked up to find Skye standing in the room, work bag on the floor, and arms crossed in disapproval.

"I can explain," Ward began lamely but Hayes interrupted. She turned to her mom and held her arms out, sobbing loudly in-between hiccups.

Skye 'tsked' and strolled over, lifting her with ease and cradling her in her arm effortlessly. "Hello, darling? Did you miss mommy?" Hayes immediately stopped crying and blinked up at Skye affectionately. "There, there, sweetheart. It's going to be okay."

Grant slid to the floor and ran both hands over his haggard face. "She hates me."

"Don't say that," Skye scolded, running her finger over Hayes' fist. "You love daddy, don't you?"

Hayes cooed and closed her eyes, finally succumbing to sleep.

"Then how did you do _that_?"

Skye smiled down at her husband and reached down to tussle his hair. "Because I'm her mother…she lived inside of me and she feels safe with me. She's still getting to know you."

Fitz swore he heard Grant sob and realized it was time to go.

"Uber?" Trip offered, holding out his hand to help Fitz to his feet.

"And risk waking my wife for a ride? Hell no."

Skye began picking up as she held the baby with one arm, like the superhero she was, and Fitz wondered if it was that easy for all moms or if Skye just had special mom powers. She leaned down and pressed a kiss to Grant's forehead, whispering for him to just go to bed.

"I'm fine right here," he muttered, waving to the boys. "I'm sorry," he called, voice weak.

Fitz was sure he was talking to them and not Skye, so he answered. "You owe us."

"Yeah I'll take you out for drinks in eighteen years, when I'm free."

Skye laughed and looked between the three, shaking her head.

"What?" Fitz asked, annoyed. He hadn't sacrificed his night to help her children to be mocked for it.

"It's just…come on? Three of you and none of you thought to just call my mom? Not only does she look exactly like me but they adore her. Especially Hayes. She can't get enough of her. You all put yourself through hell for literally no reason."

All three men stared at her in shock.

"Oh my God…we're idiots," Fitz muttered. Six degrees before he was in his twenties and he hadn't thought to just pick up the phone and call Melinda May for help? And worse of all…now everyone would know because there was no way Skye wasn't going to tell everyone this story.

She laughed and went for the stairs. "Why don't you two let me feed them and then I'll make breakfast? You look like you need some coffee and I need help getting him up the stairs," she motioned to Ward before disappearing.

"If we both run now…we will never have to go through this again," Fitz offered, knowing with his luck, after tonight, he'd be the one with a new baby.

"Nah, we can use this. Every time they need a babysitter, we bring this up."

"But then she'll hang our mistake over our head."

They both nodded, defeated.

"Think she'll make bacon if we stay?" Trip asked hopefully.

"If she doesn't, we can get it delivered," Fitz suggested, leading him to the couch.

They each threw themselves down on one end and kicked off their shoes.

"Good, I'm starving," Trip yawned, using a teddy bear as a pillow.

"Same," Fitz replied, eyes closed.

Ward kicked his foot and rolled over on the floor, annoyed. "Stop talking, jackasses."

"You're the jackass," Fitz said weakly, already drifting off.

A loud sigh filled the air but no one but Skye heard it. She looked around at the three grown ass men passed out around her living room, a baby on her hip, and a monitor strapped to her belt listening for the other.

"Well son…they aren't the smartest but…I think we'll keep them, what do you think?"

He yawned in response and Skye smiled, leading him to the kitchen. As tempted as she was to wake them with the smell of food she supposed they had earned a nap, because Fitz had no idea yet, but in a few months he'd be in for restless nights and he needed the practice.


End file.
